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Changing the Language of Humanity One Conversation at a Time

Changing the Language of Humanity One Conversation at a Time Judith E. Glaser, author of the body of work titled Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ) best describes it as, "C-IQ is the hardwired, and learnable ability to connect, navigate and grow with others which is a necessity in building healthier and more resilient organizations and relationships in the face of change. C-IQ begins with trust and ends with a high quality relationship and business success."

Judith E. Glaser, author of the body of work titled Conversational Intelligence (C-IQ) best describes it as, "C-IQ is the hardwired, and learnable ability to connect, navigate and grow with others which is a necessity in building healthier and more resilient organizations and relationships in the face of change. C-IQ begins with trust and ends with a high quality relationship and business success."

One of the most impactful parts of C-IQ is that it is learnable by anyone...from children to the Greatest Generation. I've seen the results with my own eyes in my family and with our clients.

Do you agree that everything starts with a conversation? C-IQ provides us insight into how our body responds as we're having conversations. Conversations can actually activate the trust or distrust networks in our brain. When speaking with someone don't you want them to trust you, trust what you're sharing with them? Of course you do. The words that are used in conversations either open us up or close us down to what is being shared. If we are open we trust the person and what is being shared.

As we have learned and internalized C-IQ in our firm, we teach our clients new conversational skills that, when implemented, can dramatically effect an organization as well as personal and business relationships.

When we are talking with someone in the workplace, for instance, it's important to listen to connect to their reality, instead of thinking about our response. Studies have shown that we use an average of 16,000 words/day. We have also learned that 9 out of 10 conversations miss the mark. We have conversational blind spots that can prevent us from having effective conversations with a colleague which may account for this. If each of us can identify one blind spot, we can begin to change our conversations and have more meaningful, transparent and productive conversations. Here are the most common conversational blindspots:

  1. Assuming everyone thinks like me. This is simply an assumption that others see what we see, feel what we feel, and think what we think. When we are attached to our point of view, we are unable to connect with the other person's perspectives. Our bodies pick up the lack of connectivity and switch on a stronger need to persuade others we are right. As humans we have a high addiction to being right. When we persuade others we are right, our body releases a chemical -- it's like a natural high. But consider this, when we win a point we feel great -- but frequently the other person feels bad and we often don't realize that.
  2. Feelings change our reality. The failure to realize that fear, trust and distrust changes how we see and interpret reality, and how we talk about it. When we are in a difficult conversation and are in a state of fear or feel threatened, our body releases chemicals that move us into protective behaviors, and often we don't even realize that it's happening.
  3. I am too fearful to empathize. An inability to stand in each other's shoes when we are fearful or upset. When we listen to deeply connect, without judgement and allow ourselves to connect we are activating our mirror neuron system, now thought of as "having empathy for others." But when we are fearful, that power to connect becomes disconnected and our sensitivity to the other person's perspective recedes.
  4. I remember, therefore I know. The assumption is that we remember what others say, when we actually remember what we think about what was said. Researchers have concluded two things. One is that we drop out of conversations every twelve to eighteen seconds to process what is being said; two, we often remember what we think about what the other person is saying because that is a stronger internal process and chemical signal in our body. More simply...our internal listening and dialogue trumps the other person's speech. Amazing!
  5. I am listening so I actually know what you really mean. The assumption that the meaning of the conversation resides in the speaker, when it actually resides in the listener. The listener will draw out what they think is being said from their own experiences, where memories and emotions are stored in our brain. The listener's brain will pull the meaning from their experiences and then bring them into the conversation to make sense of what they hear. The truth is, the meaning of the conversation resides in the listener until the speaker takes the time to validate and link back to make sure they both have the same shared meaning of the conversation.

We all have blind spots. We have an incredible brain but we can't focus on everything at the same time...if we tried to do that we would be crazy. In this hectic life/business pace we have too much data to process, too much confusion, no logical threads to guide us forward. So blind spots are a natural part of us that keep us from going crazy.

What we do need to understand about blind spots are how they effect our conversations and relationships when we are focused on our own internal impulses to protect ourselves. In these cases, blind spots do not serve us well. We cease listening deeply to others, we think they know what we mean when they don't, we lose our ability to stand in the other person's shoes and empathize.

Understanding our blind spots and learning to work through them with insight and awareness of others strengthens our own ability to create healthy environments for trust to emerge. In my mind, I feel that we all could benefit from an increased environment of trust.

As you can see, we are learning more and more about how our brain, through neurological and cognitive research, processes a “conversation,” it goes deeper and is more robust than simple information sharing.

Discover how you can change your conversations to activate higher-level intelligences such as trust, integrity, empathy and good judgment and minimize or element those conversations that trigger distrust. After all, everything begins with a conversation.

Lead the way in your organization to improve communication with your colleagues to build a healthy, productive and more resilient organization in this ever changing business environment. Click here to learn how today to schedule a workshop for your team.

Inspired Business Services is passionate about working with companies by using their proprietary P.I.V.O.T. process to elevate levels of engagement, collaboration and to build a whole new awareness of words used in the workplace and how conversations with team members can build trust and positively impact profits.